It's only fitting to write a blog entry on the whole spectrum of living with Schizo-affective disorder, since I have personally been diagnosed with that disease. My illness started for me in full bloom in 1982. It was the worse it has ever been or ever will be. Spurred by the birth of my first born child my illness has changed over the years. From A to Z. It started with manic depressive,with hormonal changes all the way to Schizophrenia. I have tried many medications and we'll start with Lithium bicarbonate. Lithium Bicarbonate was an experimental drug new out on the market, and had very few side effects. I took this drug for many years. It was so mild it could have been more like a placebo. The worse medication that I ever took was the A-typical anti-psychotics like Haldol, prolixen, navane, and Geodon. These medications had sever side effect such as muscle spasms in the neck and throat area in the back and more..causing things like my throat to swell shut and my jaws to lock in painful agony. I thank God for the new generations medications such as Seroquel. I will never complain about these cause they are wonderful. Even though some lawyers might argue that it may give you conditions such as diabetes.
The hospitals all were different. Some were strict some lazed ..I found that private hospitals were much better than the States Hospitals. Though they could be as strict as well.
I have worn every kind of restraint that the hospitals had at that time from posies, to straight jackets and locked in seclusion rooms with injections of Haldol and prolixen.
This year I celebrate! 10 years of being freed from mental hospitals, although I keep my mental health in check with medications and nutritional therapy.I also go for talk therapy.I keep myself active with hobbies, goals, chores, and schedules..I am also (prematurely states) learning a new skill in which I can possibly return to work(age 45) I feel I can help where I did so much damage.
However for those of you who are thinking is this woman like Lorianna Bobbitt, or other people who had serious mental problems, who has killed their children...I have to hold myself as an exclusionary rule. I have never seriously hurt anyone.I have never killed accidentally or otherwise.I am the average Jane Doe who has magical thinking,voices in my head, delusions of paranoia and grandeur.
Although, I have many losses..one was my family. My husband and two children who left me in 1989 and move to Colorado without me.I lost my job on several occasions. I have been laughed at, degraded, humiliated, ashamed, dumped for a better woman. Been to jail. And made to live on a fixed income that is very below the poverty level that it's not even worth mention.
I have few friends...only thoughs who know what mental illness is like usually befriends me.
When people say did you get help? Well to me if I had recieved help I wouldn't be in the place I am now. For true help does not segregate and hinder you.. If I had gotten the proper help I wouldn't be here where I am at ..I would be where maybe you are. Like in my own job with my own residence,making at least poverty level income. I am not so unapproachable that I have to be locked away in a community that further hinders and handicaps.Run by the government.
People on the streets can be so cruel. In the public like stores and stuff...people daily remind me of my place in society because everyone knows that this group of people have mental handicaps. Because they see us riding in the Community bus clearly marked by the company of the residence where I live. Here If you are not a senior, or physically handicapped so the eye can see then it has to be a mental handicap that enables me to continue to live in a place such as this.In essence I stick out like a sore thumb.
Though I am working with people here in this community to change the stigma, and the segregation.
This year, for people who are on Social security and disability income usually get a "COLA"(cost of living adjustment) but all Hail president Obama! He neglected to see to it that we did.We didn't get a stimulous check in the year 2010 either. And don't tell the prices and that there was no inflation this year cause I can feel the pressures of buying food.
DID you know the maximum amount of money a disabled person can get who has not had any work credits is below 600.00 a month?Tell me that they don't deserve to have an increase in their Disability income?Also all Hail Obama !, with the current proposed health plan we are looking at not getting medical care just so other people who make far more than we do can?Come on!!
Did you know we sign our life away to the government just so we can get affordable housing?
Thirty percent of all our income goes straight to the government. If I may ask, Do you pay thirty percent of all your Net income for your home?Apartment? No! I think not!!Cause If you did your rent would look something like this:
60,000.00 A year Income
30% of 60,000.00= 18,000.00 a year! 1500.00 a month on a house note( at least you are in it for ownership) or apartment rental?No one wants this plan implicated in the average society.
Does that not compute when you go to the grocery store? and spend 100.00-250.00 for food?
We didn't ask to be here and to be disabled/handicapped/elderly ...No one wants to leave cause it's the only place to go where we get all the things that we get..like housing ammenties and security....things that ordinary people take for granted.
Let's not forget when you are at the grocery store you get to pick and chooze what you want for dinner...while we get to have anything you don't want ..like high salt food and high cholestol...and fats...cause ingenerally speaking anything thats worth anything is very pricy and you can afford it while we cannot. We must afford whatever is not pricy...or we go with out food altogether.Like Frozen pizza's potatoe chips, tv dinners, if we splurge we only get a small amount of food that doesn't make it past the first week much less a whole month. Thank God for coupon's and sales! And Food pantries!!
While "Jo blow" goes into the store and steals a case of beer and walks straight out the door without anyone noticing.....
All I am saying is where is the equality in all this madness. If I ask for a piece of bread will I be given a stone instead?
And Please tell me Do you consider yourself a christain? or do you consider yourself mentally sane?(the options are defined)
We as a whole, my kind of people generally do things that level the economy and creates justice. And money created the Kaos!!
Thank God that a dollar is a dollar no matter if the dollar isn't worth .2 cents.
Like always no matter what the problem is there will be some that don't make it to the next level or phase of this plan...(we don't know why people die) but there remains those who are tougher than nails and thoughs people who prevail will be all the wiser I am sure.(more lonely)
For what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! No matter who you are? Where you come from? It's coming around again....it's all equal to the love you recieve and the love you give!!
Obama I don't exactly know what your plan is for me, and I may not like it one bit...but if you who(obama) are so educated and well rounded of an individual and since you are the President of The United States...I must trust that you are doing what you think is best for everyone on the whole. As I said, maybe this change that you make will take away one thing and replace it with something else that certainly you would not leave people like me abandoned without .As I said maybe the COLA will be replaced with a stimulous check this year..but that didn't happen.
I close my eyes tight and reopen them hoping to see what it is that you are trying to do. Not what I think you may be doing to me. Perhaps your reasoning is sound and just! Perhaps at the end of your term I will beable to say something good came out of voting you into office.Rather than say OMG am I glad that man is out of office. At this rate! I will not vote for you again.
Please tell me....how do you plan to make things better for the seniors /the handicapped / and the disabled? Come on with it Obama!! Some of us are more than ready to move on. But let me say one more thing.. if you continue to displace us then you should be ready come what may. I cannot guarentee you a place in the heart of my people or a vote in your favor.Maybe that doesn't bother you now, but somewhere down the line you as all people will have to answer to what you have done too.